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INVOLUNTEER
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SPECIAL DELIVERY
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BUY THE CAPSULE // GET 1 PATCH FREE
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SHENANIGANG
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ANTI-SOCIAL ENGINEERING
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PHASE 4
↯ INVOLUNTEER ↯ SPECIAL DELIVERY ↯ BUY THE CAPSULE // GET 1 PATCH FREE ↯ SHENANIGANG ↯ ANTI-SOCIAL ENGINEERING ↯ PHASE 4
You wanna be a Henchman? Happiness is mandatory.
This patch is part of the HENCHMEN CAPSULE:
Order the entire capsule to get one patch free.
The secret callsign of the Cult of the Basement Dweller. You’ve done it, you NEETmaxxed, you passed the training course, and now you are granted the supreme knowledge. The key to fighting MODEM WARFARE is a smile. You are Clickhead™ personified. You WILL Solve World Comedy. YOU are Happy 2 Be Here. This patch grants you access to the AWFUL WORLD barracks and gangway, where your path into the Dark Future awaits. It also gives you +1 in Charisma.
Embroidered twill fabric
Attachment options: iron-on, sew-on, or safety pin
Assembled by Uyghur neo-slaves
“SPECIAL” FORCES
This patch is part of the HENCHMEN CAPSULE:
Order the entire capsule to get one patch free.
When the sun begins to set on the life of an autist, and their parents have passed on, who will take care of the Goon? That is where Rainbow Omega comes in. A 24/7 carehome facility for the earth’s puzzlemasters, where they can be housed, fed, cared for, and most importantly, monitored. This patch grants you access to the AWFUL WORLD Red Rooms, your secrets are safe with us. It also gives your party a Boon of Omnipotence.
Embroidered twill fabric
Attachment options: iron-on, sew-on, or safety pin
Assembled by Uyghur neo-slaves
The Social Wetwork
This patch is part of the HENCHMEN CAPSULE:
Order the entire capsule to get one patch free.
The PODAWFUL™ HENCHMAN is a class all its own. WARPED, lab-grown freaks who have never touched grass, and value laughs more than life. Anti-Social Engineering is the act of chaotic revenge on the status quo. You now ride the Misinformation Superhighway on a crime-powered, digital crotch-rocket. Welcome to the Global Crisis Syndicate. This patch grants you access to the AWFUL WORLD briefing room, where your mission will be delivered. It also gives you the ability of Cyber-Perception.
Embroidered twill fabric
Attachment options: iron-on, sew-on, or safety pin
Assembled by Uyghur neo-slaves
MAKE YOUR OWN HOURS, TRACK SOMEONE ELSE’S
This patch is part of the HENCHMEN CAPSULE:
Order the entire capsule to get one patch free.
You’re part of a gang. You all wear leather jackets. But you? You’re the wildcard. You stand out. You’re unpredictable. You want to be your targeted individual’s favorite shadowman. This patch grants you access to the AWFUL WORLD security room, your clearance level just went up. It also gives you the ability of Dexterity.
Embroidered twill fabric
Attachment options: iron-on, sew-on, or safety pin
Assembled by Uyghur neo-slaves
SPECIAL DELIVERY FROM THE INDUSTRIALIZED FUTURE
This patch is part of the HENCHMEN CAPSULE:
Order the entire capsule to get one patch free.
In the Dark Future, the wageslave underclass must resort to a humiliation ritual known as “gig work”. Taking full advantage, Awfultech™ has enlisted these drones as a hi-tek surveillance network. Slawbombing is a form of tricknology that allows the operator to utilize Delivery Henchmen and a single order of coleslaw as a form of espionage. This is what your Uncle Ted warned you about. This patch grants you access to the AWFUL WORLD canteen and mess hall, stock up on pizza and coleslaw. It also gives you +3 Speed Boost.
Embroidered twill fabric
Attachment options: iron-on, sew-on, or safety pin
Assembled by Uyghur neo-slaves
SIMULACRUM IN VESTE MULIEBRI
This patch is part of the HENCHMEN CAPSULE:
Order the entire capsule to get one patch free.
Lonely autists need love too. That’s where you come in. Catfishing is an act of kindness where a disturbed young gentleman pretends to be an incel’s girlfriend. This patch grants you access to the AWFUL WORLD costume shop, for all of your Bugs-Bunny-seducing-Elmer-Fudd needs. It also gives you the ability of Stealth.
Embroidered twill fabric
Attachment options: iron-on, sew-on, or safety pin
Assembled by Uyghur neo-slaves
Blend in. Deliver Coleslaw. Become a drone.
You Are The DASH TEST DUMMY
This jacket is part of the HENCHMEN CAPSULE:
Order the entire capsule to get one patch free.
This is OFFICIAL HENCHWEAR™.
The Podawful™ Henchman Slawbomber Jacket is your ultimate undercover essential for navigating the Dark Future Nega-City streets of 2038. This zip-up bomber blends seamlessly into the gig economy's endless delivery swarm, letting you vanish among the chaotic army of thermal-bag-toting 2-star-rating fleet drivers while running surveillance on high-value targets. In this Mental Warfare Future modern hellscape, the only people you invite to your door are complete strangers. That’s you.
Crafted in hyper-realistic urban camouflage: The eye-searing acid yellow base screams "corporate hi-vis app-slave courier” while you loiter suspiciously long at drop zones. The aggressive black hazard stripes, and food delivery logos make you read as background noise to every Ring doorbell camera. The hi-tek, low-brow pattern disrupts facial-rec algorithms, making it impossible to add you to high-priority watchlists.
Tactical circular quadrant registration zones across the chest and shoulders await your Henchman Modal Valor Patches. Rack up those confirmed observations, pizza-box stakeouts, and "accidental" wrong-address entries. Embroidered badges are perfect for the operative who's always testing the limits of plausible deniability.
Built tough for Dystopia:
Elasti-Synth polymesh exterior: For the henchman on the go, with soft brushed fleece on the inside for those long, over-night observations.
Front-panel logo overload: Spoofed badges from the Megacorps (Goober Eats, DOORDOXX, Post$laves). Instant credibility as "one of them." This jacket is SPYWEAR.
Urban Moving Systems Pockets: zip up pockets for your burner phone, audio bugs, micro-drones, and extra packets of ketchup.
Tactical Valor Registration: Patch-ready placement zones for your criminal merit badges.
Cut, sewn, and assembled on-demand by Chinese and Mexican neo-slaves
Full zip front with high collar: an Electro-Injection® obedience collar ensures the mission will be completed. (Or else.)
Whether you're slinging coleslaw to a targeted individual's front door or circling the block on a "delayed" pizza run, the Podawful™ Henchman Slawbomber makes you invisible in plain sight. The perfect delivery driver camouflage for the operative who delivers more than just food.
Earn your ★★★★★ rating.
Assimilate by standing out. Collect intel. Deliver suspicion.
[TV HEAD SOLD SEPARATELY]
CRIME IS NOW LEGAL FOR 24 HOURS
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FACELESS X PODAWFUL COLLAB
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PHASE 4 ACTIVATED
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THE CRIME CAPSULE
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INTERNET CRISIS HOTLINE
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CRIMES! CORP
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BECOME A GHOST
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STEAL THIS LOOK!
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BUY 1 GET $10 OFF ANOTHER CRIME CAPSULE SHIRT
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CRIME IS NOW LEGAL FOR 24 HOURS // FACELESS X PODAWFUL COLLAB // PHASE 4 ACTIVATED // THE CRIME CAPSULE // INTERNET CRISIS HOTLINE // CRIMES! CORP // BECOME A GHOST // STEAL THIS LOOK! // BUY 1 GET $10 OFF ANOTHER CRIME CAPSULE SHIRT //
CRIME IS NOW LEGAL FOR 24 HOURS
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FACELESS X PODAWFUL COLLAB
//
PHASE 4 ACTIVATED
//
THE CRIME CAPSULE
//
INTERNET CRISIS HOTLINE
//
CRIMES! CORP
//
BECOME A GHOST
//
STEAL THIS LOOK!
//
BUY 1 GET $10 OFF ANOTHER CRIME CAPSULE SHIRT
//
CRIME IS NOW LEGAL FOR 24 HOURS // FACELESS X PODAWFUL COLLAB // PHASE 4 ACTIVATED // THE CRIME CAPSULE // INTERNET CRISIS HOTLINE // CRIMES! CORP // BECOME A GHOST // STEAL THIS LOOK! // BUY 1 GET $10 OFF ANOTHER CRIME CAPSULE SHIRT //
I'M GOING RED MODE™
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BUY 2 RED MODE SHIRTS AND GET $10 OFF A HAT
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I'M GOING RED MODE™ ⇆ BUY 2 RED MODE SHIRTS AND GET $10 OFF A HAT ⇆
HAPPY 2 BE HERE
↯
HAPPY 2 BE HERE ↯
They've locked me in this basement to keep you safe!
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Have gun, willing to travel!
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I have a database with every customer's address in it!
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No Refunds! (Or Else)
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They've locked me in this basement to keep you safe! ⇉ Have gun, willing to travel! ⇉ I have a database with every customer's address in it! ⇉ No Refunds! (Or Else) ⇉
![FEMALE COP (BLACK [BAD])](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/52bdec9ae4b03ae7cbd1eb18/1730058575124-OUBG07ZOCS53JGEIPMBO/unisex-staple-t-shirt-black-front-671e9944b0370.png)
![FEMALE COP (WHITE [GOOD])](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/52bdec9ae4b03ae7cbd1eb18/1730057917243-27RRA4J6LI34G348ZJAS/unisex-staple-t-shirt-white-front-671e96ae6bbc8.png)
【WARNING】
Under the Y2K38 Digital Future Intelligence Act, AWFULTECH™ is required to inform you of the use of a permanent tracking agent, the Gateway Online/Offline Network Optical Console 【GOONOPTICON】, to track cookies, download search history, scan your email, deliver coleslaw, and import your biometric data to the hyper-cloud. By clicking “Consent” you agree to 3D scanning your entire body. Happy to be here.㋡
Awful World Industries™ LLC
//goonopticon 2.4