Blend in. Deliver Coleslaw. Become a drone.

You Are The DASH TEST DUMMY

This jacket is part of the HENCHMEN CAPSULE:

Order the entire capsule to get one patch free.

This is OFFICIAL HENCHWEAR™.

The Podawful™ Henchman Slawbomber Jacket is your ultimate undercover essential for navigating the Dark Future Nega-City streets of 2038. This zip-up bomber blends seamlessly into the gig economy's endless delivery swarm, letting you vanish among the chaotic army of thermal-bag-toting 2-star-rating fleet drivers while running surveillance on high-value targets. In this Mental Warfare Future modern hellscape, the only people you invite to your door are complete strangers. That’s you.

Crafted in hyper-realistic urban camouflage: The eye-searing acid yellow base screams "corporate hi-vis app-slave courier” while you loiter suspiciously long at drop zones. The aggressive black hazard stripes, and food delivery logos make you read as background noise to every Ring doorbell camera. The hi-tek, low-brow pattern disrupts facial-rec algorithms, making it impossible to add you to high-priority watchlists.

Tactical circular quadrant registration zones across the chest and shoulders await your Henchman Modal Valor Patches. Rack up those confirmed observations, pizza-box stakeouts, and "accidental" wrong-address entries. Embroidered badges are perfect for the operative who's always testing the limits of plausible deniability.

Built tough for Dystopia:

• Elasti-Synth polymesh exterior: For the henchman on the go, with soft brushed fleece on the inside for those long, over-night observations.

• Front-panel logo overload: Spoofed badges from the Megacorps (Goober Eats, DOORDOXX, Post$laves). Instant credibility as "one of them." This jacket is SPYWEAR.

• Urban Moving Systems Pockets: zip up pockets for your burner phone, audio bugs, micro-drones, and extra packets of ketchup.

• Tactical Valor Registration: Patch-ready placement zones for your criminal merit badges.

• Cut, sewn, and assembled on-demand by Chinese and Mexican neo-slaves

• Full zip front with high collar: an Electro-Injection® obedience collar ensures the mission will be completed. (Or else.)

Whether you're slinging coleslaw to a targeted individual's front door or circling the block on a "delayed" pizza run, the Podawful™ Henchman Slawbomber makes you invisible in plain sight. The perfect delivery driver camouflage for the operative who delivers more than just food.

Earn your ★★★★★ rating.

Assimilate by standing out. Collect intel. Deliver suspicion.

[TV HEAD SOLD SEPARATELY]

You're on an elevator alone when on walks your perfect woman. She's YOUR perfect woman. Exactly your type, every feature you are attracted to, made by God and science to be your perfect woman. Perfect hair, perfect body, perfect face. She's even wearing the perfect shirt. The kind of shirt you only wear when the airport lost your luggage on the way to Daytona Beach, and your Boomer aunt knows exactly where to go for a replacement. Your perfect woman knows just what you like. She's hot to trot, and your heart races faster. She walks right up to you, leans in reeeeeeally close, and whispers in your ear, "Let's have gay sex..."

What do you do?

Well, if you're Comedy Shaman, you already know the answer. This shirt has all the surf-shop-slop features you're looking for. Shitty, scratchy material, a print that will fade after one wash, and a design that is going to get you suspended when you get back to school, and you refuse to turn the shirt inside-out in class.

With PODAWFUL™ you are in FLAVOR COUNTRY®

Enjoy the bold taste of this disgusting Trucker Hat while hauling 2 tons of freight at 3AM. Haven’t slept in over 24 hours? No problem. you can actually roll up your embroidered PODAWFUL™ hat and smoke it to stay awake. Life is stressful, and you need something smooth being sucked into your head hole at all times to keep the brain worms away. Who knows what you would do if you didn’t have your vape to suck on and this hat to keep your thoughts inside. Because when the inside thoughts become outside thoughts, the world will finally know what the TRUE PAIN is. Mellow and stress-free, unless I’m not wearin’ my hat. Never experience pain again.

PODAWFUL™ — “Always Pleasure!®”

This hat is part of the RED MODE CAPSULE.

Order any 2 or more shirts from the RED MODE CAPSULE and get $10 off any RED MODE CAPSULE hat.

• 100% polyester front
• 100% polyester mesh back
• Structured, 5-panel cap, high-profile
• Adjustable plastic snap
• One size fits most

Make Your Own Hours,
Track Someone Else's,
Become A Ghost. 👁️

The shadows have names, and the static between stations is practicing its lines.
The voice inside your head is no longer your own.
I have replaced it. 📡

In this particular corner of the night, you’ve stopped pretending you don’t hear the footsteps behind the footsteps.
You are being watched. 👣

You stand at the threshold of a forked path.
Perhaps you’ve realized the watcher can also be watched. 👀
Step into the corridor where coincidence goes to die. 🔪

Become A Ghost. 🌕🐺

This shirt is part of the CRIME CAPSULE.

Order any shirt from the CRIME CAPSULE and get $10 off any additional CRIME CAPSULE shirt.

• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Fabric weight: 6.1 oz/yd² (206.8 g/m²)
• Garment-dyed
• Relaxed fit
• 7/8″ double-needle topstitched collar
• Twill-taped neck and shoulders for extra durability
• Double-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems